We know that the wider road is the one most traveled simply because most people don’t want to take risks. If they see the majority taking a certain path they assume they do so for a reason. Normally I would say that is not a bad practice, but much depends upon if you, as an individual, have more to offer to the group effort than you are willing to give. It’s easy to take the wide road, but much harder to go above and beyond the call of duty onto the road less traveled. Those who take this road realize why they do so.
The common thought process is: “Why should I do more than absolutely necessary in order to put myself into the position that I desire?” If you are capable of achieving great things yet refuse to do so, “just because,” then you are wasting your natural or God-given gifts. As you look at the totality of the human species there are only a few chosen ones that carry our species progressively forward in a positive manner. If those who have such ability refuse to step on the throttle… the consequences can be devastating for the rest of the species.
As a person who has gifts and talents to do more and rise higher, it is almost a duty to fulfill the shoes I was destined to follow. Since the truly gifted and talented ones are so rare it may take several years or decades before life can reproduce one with uniqueness. Therefore it is imperative that those who have unique and special talents do all they can in order to place their stamp upon society and the world.
Imagine if Gandhi had taken the road less traveled? Imagine if MLK had chosen to get his nuclear family ahead and allow his race to fend for itself? Imagine all the scientists and inventors receiving an idea to create something totally new for the benefit of humanity and, for whatever reason, chose not to share their thoughts with the world? The road less traveled is not an easy one, but it is one that the select few chose to take.
Regardless of what you may think, you came into this world with a special and unique gift or talent. You have a special ability that is yours alone. Just suppose for a moment that you are the only one that can perform what you have the ability to do. Would you not feel an obligation to do the right thing for the right reason? Truth has it; people choose to take the lesser road. They realize that a higher road is available, but still opt to take the lesser one. Is that you?!!!
Without blaming anyone for negligence I would simply say there is much more available to us as a species than that of which we take advantage. More people with special gifts and talents think they can simply take the popular road and allow life to do what it does. I say to you; “That’s not good enough.” You were blessed beyond others for a reason. For those who are given much, more is expected of them; and for those who were given less, not as much is expected. Where you fall in the overall scale is something that you inwardly know. Your Creator knew in advance what you were intended to achieve.
Understanding this to be even a remote possibility: which road will you take? There are two choices: the road most traveled or the one less traveled. The choice is YOURS.
Friday, July 30, 2010
A Man With a Plan
Sorry to admit this, fellows, but too many of you wing it through life rather than coming up with a sensible plan that will assist you in navigating through it. In this case it is not the pot calling the kettle black because I was like most males who share a similar attitude when they are young. They operate from the seat of their pants or from their gut feelings.
Fortunately for me I made a couple of wise choices that assisted me later in life. I can’t take any credit for being smart because I only followed the prompting that came my way from my environment (most specifically from my Mother) that led me to take precautionary measures.
Unfortunately, the statistics show a drastic decline in how the male species is operating while at the same time it shows a counteracting incline in how females are operating. Overall females are doing much better in this society, while males are not. Much of this is attributed to the lackadaisical attitude men have adopted in recent years. Men are not used to having to compete against females for the typical roles men fulfilled since time's beginning. Men were the unchallenged heads of the family. Today, how things have changed.
Men can no longer depend upon going out and finding a manual labor job just to produce an income that will sustain a family. In tough economic times minimum-wage jobs will not cut it. Depending upon your financial social status such wages will not even cover the minimum standards of living. If living below the standard is what you are willing to accept for your family and yourself, then being a man without a plan will certainly get you there. Alternatively, if you want more for those who depend upon you, a plan of action is necessary. The rules of the world have changed. You must adjust if you want to become successful.
Obviously good planning is beneficial to all: Major businesses operate that way, teams work that way, and even the world at large works in an organized manner. When you don’t have a plan the automatic default is usually failure. For example, if you leave a plot of land un-kept it will not grow a manicured garden. It will only produce wild weeds. This is called entropy. A man without a plan achieves similar results.
Even though I can’t tell you how to plan your life, or what kind of plan may work with the skills or natural gifts you may have, I can tell you with certainty that if you do nothing… you will achieve nothing. If achieving nothing is good enough for you, then so be it.
Being incorrigible as a single person with no responsibilities is one thing, but being that way with responsibilities and people depending upon you places one on the lower side of human character and behavior. You are beyond constraints, advice, or correction. If that is truly how you want to run your life then do it alone, and hopefully away from others that want what is best for all.
A man with a plan is what you should want to be. When you were a child people expected you to act as one, but there comes a point when you reach the age of maturity. At that point you must shed your childish ways and step up to the plate in order to be counted or even be IN the game of life. You may not have a master plan for success but at least you should have one that keeps you out of the wild weeds. Be somebody that others can call worthy – be a man with a plan!
Fortunately for me I made a couple of wise choices that assisted me later in life. I can’t take any credit for being smart because I only followed the prompting that came my way from my environment (most specifically from my Mother) that led me to take precautionary measures.
Unfortunately, the statistics show a drastic decline in how the male species is operating while at the same time it shows a counteracting incline in how females are operating. Overall females are doing much better in this society, while males are not. Much of this is attributed to the lackadaisical attitude men have adopted in recent years. Men are not used to having to compete against females for the typical roles men fulfilled since time's beginning. Men were the unchallenged heads of the family. Today, how things have changed.
Men can no longer depend upon going out and finding a manual labor job just to produce an income that will sustain a family. In tough economic times minimum-wage jobs will not cut it. Depending upon your financial social status such wages will not even cover the minimum standards of living. If living below the standard is what you are willing to accept for your family and yourself, then being a man without a plan will certainly get you there. Alternatively, if you want more for those who depend upon you, a plan of action is necessary. The rules of the world have changed. You must adjust if you want to become successful.
Obviously good planning is beneficial to all: Major businesses operate that way, teams work that way, and even the world at large works in an organized manner. When you don’t have a plan the automatic default is usually failure. For example, if you leave a plot of land un-kept it will not grow a manicured garden. It will only produce wild weeds. This is called entropy. A man without a plan achieves similar results.
Even though I can’t tell you how to plan your life, or what kind of plan may work with the skills or natural gifts you may have, I can tell you with certainty that if you do nothing… you will achieve nothing. If achieving nothing is good enough for you, then so be it.
Being incorrigible as a single person with no responsibilities is one thing, but being that way with responsibilities and people depending upon you places one on the lower side of human character and behavior. You are beyond constraints, advice, or correction. If that is truly how you want to run your life then do it alone, and hopefully away from others that want what is best for all.
A man with a plan is what you should want to be. When you were a child people expected you to act as one, but there comes a point when you reach the age of maturity. At that point you must shed your childish ways and step up to the plate in order to be counted or even be IN the game of life. You may not have a master plan for success but at least you should have one that keeps you out of the wild weeds. Be somebody that others can call worthy – be a man with a plan!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
What do you stand for?
Obviously many of us have our different lines drawn we draw in the sand that we are willing to protect at all cost. A lot of this has to do with your upbringing. If you were taught a decent set of morals while you were developing your personality chances are that you will do the right thing when called upon to do so. However, with the peer pressure that comes when you are in the teens and young adult you are more liable to do things that go against your core values. At such times you may decide to recklessly break your own rules against what you know to be a smarter choice.
Are you your own man or do you dance to someone else's tune. Being your own man means standing on the values you deem to be right, correct, decent, caring, considerate, or just doing what you feel is best given the situation… I just used the “f” word “feel!” Do guys really feel things? Yes they do, but they were told not to show their feelings. It’s your gut instinct!
Regardless to what the media calls a “macho man,” a “real man” has the complete package. He is not afraid to stand up and do what is right. Doing things just to please others is not a “real man”… that would be one that does not pull his own chains. Since most males think analytically, tell me what you think is better… to be controlled by the desires of others or to be controlled by your desires? This is a trick question.
If you have good values then you should stand firm on them, but if you have weak values they are not worth standing upon. How do you know if your value system is good, bad, strong, or weak? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. If what you do causes harm to others and you as well… that would be weak or bad values. If what you do aids, assist, or otherwise improves upon others it would be good values. If no one taught you the difference between right and wrong while you were growing up it is up to you to start re-training you.
Think before you act. Understand that there are consequences to all the things you do. If you make a bad cause it will create a bad consequence. If you make a good cause it will make a good consequence. Use a simple set of rules in the beginning that are based upon the consequences of your actions, deeds, and thoughts. Once this becomes a habit then expand upon your basic values. Refine them to higher spiritual qualities. Know what you stand for and stand firm for the things you know to be beneficial.
Are you your own man or do you dance to someone else's tune. Being your own man means standing on the values you deem to be right, correct, decent, caring, considerate, or just doing what you feel is best given the situation… I just used the “f” word “feel!” Do guys really feel things? Yes they do, but they were told not to show their feelings. It’s your gut instinct!
Regardless to what the media calls a “macho man,” a “real man” has the complete package. He is not afraid to stand up and do what is right. Doing things just to please others is not a “real man”… that would be one that does not pull his own chains. Since most males think analytically, tell me what you think is better… to be controlled by the desires of others or to be controlled by your desires? This is a trick question.
If you have good values then you should stand firm on them, but if you have weak values they are not worth standing upon. How do you know if your value system is good, bad, strong, or weak? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. If what you do causes harm to others and you as well… that would be weak or bad values. If what you do aids, assist, or otherwise improves upon others it would be good values. If no one taught you the difference between right and wrong while you were growing up it is up to you to start re-training you.
Think before you act. Understand that there are consequences to all the things you do. If you make a bad cause it will create a bad consequence. If you make a good cause it will make a good consequence. Use a simple set of rules in the beginning that are based upon the consequences of your actions, deeds, and thoughts. Once this becomes a habit then expand upon your basic values. Refine them to higher spiritual qualities. Know what you stand for and stand firm for the things you know to be beneficial.
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!
Tall boots may have a tab, loop or handle at the top known as a bootstrap, allowing one to use fingers or a tool to provide better leverage in pulling the boots on. The saying "to pull yourself up by your bootstraps" was already in use during the 1800s as an example of an impossible task. Bootstrap as a metaphor, meaning to better oneself by one's own unaided efforts, was in use in 1922. This metaphor spawned additional metaphors for a series of self-sustaining processes that proceed without external help. This is from Wikipedia.
That’s more information than you need to know at this time but it is a good metaphor for what I want to talk about. When you are down you have options. You can stay down or you can figure a way to get back up. Your options as to how to get back up on your feet may not be simple, they may not be easy, or they may not be what you desire, but usually “where there is a will there is a way.” If you want to achieve something bad enough you will more than likely find a way to do it.
Many of us have been down at various points in our lives. Things have not always worked out the way we planned. Some go through health problems, financial problems, failed relationships, problems with children, drugs, alcohol, or other issues. The reasons why we fall down are too numerous to count. However, the first step to recovery is to realize that you are down. Become aware!
Acknowledge exactly where you are in order to pinpoint the situation. Once you see your exact situation and circumstance then you can plan a route to get away from where you are to where you want to be. For example if you have a drug problem you need to admit to the problem and then seek the necessary help to fix it. If your relationship is failing you need to admit that it’s failing and then try to fix it, or end it. You must first acknowledge your situations before you can change it.
Now, pull yourself up by your bootstraps. By that I mean don’t wait for someone else to come along and save you from your problem. Instead get a hold of yourself, your mind, your physical abilities, your heart, your will, your desire, and every part of your being and decide that you are willing to do what’s necessary to change your circumstances. Once your mind is made up to change then the will (volition) kicks into action. This is the inner part of your being, the spiritual component that you may not recognize.
Rarely do we know the full extent of our abilities until we are forced into action. In life or death situations you do things that you didn’t know you could do because you don’t have other options. Survival is one of the primary human instincts. We use every part of our being when we absolutely have to. You have it in you… but you just don’t realize it.
Why wait until the curtains are about to be pulled down on your life. Why wait until your foundation crumbles. There are enough tale-tale signs to indicate when things are going in the wrong direction. Things do not normally crash without notice. I say to you, pull yourself up before you go completely under: If things are not going well, get the proper help. Reach out to a trusted friend; get professional help, rally the troops, or just do something to change the immediate picture. Change your circumstance and you may be surprised when you see a difference. If you’re lying in the mud, get out! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Nurturing Your Male Needs
It is common knowledge that females have certain needs that are very important to their welfare. Most males are aware that females have these needs and do all they can in order to make their women feel nurtured, to a certain degree. This is not to say that men are naturally intuitive, in fact quite the opposite seems to be more of the standard, but when they aren’t supplying their spouse's needs, somehow they are made aware of it. Women have several ways of letting men know when they are not being satisfied. Many of these ways are not always verbal. When males sense something is not quite right they do what they are capable of doing in order to “make momma happy.” When momma is not happy, no one is happy.
However, when it comes to taking care of your masculine needs, very little attention is given. Males do all they can to please and nurture females, but the opposite is not the standard. When it comes to nurturing masculine needs most males are not consciously aware of what their needs may be because rarely is it verbally expressed. It is not that males want to become pampered by females but that they have certain needs that will make them function better. It is similar to how vehicles require regular maintenance in order to function at their best level of performance.
Several years back I read a booklet that spoke about masculine needs and how to nurture them. At the time I was not aware that I needed certain pampering or maintenance in order to function to the best of my ability. After reading this material I got it right away. I realized that when I was properly maintained I functioned better. Many men think that they need to be fulfilled sexually and that would place them at the top of their abilities.
In truth sex pertains to a physical need, but we are more than just physical creatures. We have emotional, spiritual and psychological needs in addition to our physical needs. Although our physical needs are quite important, sex is not a cure-all. It is not even a panacea for our physical needs.
Without getting into copyrighted material I will summarize some of the things this material revealed to me in reference to our masculine needs. Once you become aware of these needs you can personally take charge of being in charge of your own masculinity. You become the gatekeeper in order to make sure you are being properly maintained. Many of these requirements are up to you to carve out pf time and space in order to make sure they are met. Below, I will briefly mention these needs and you can figure out where you stand by way of servicing and maintenance. This was taken from a booklet by John Gray, PhD called, “Twelve Ways for Men to Nurture Their Masculinity.”
One: Men need to spend time with other males competing as a team or as individuals. This helps them to sharpen their personal tools. As boys you learned to play hard against each other. Even though you saw that as play, you learned life skills that help you today in a competitive world. When you learn to operate as a team that helps you in things such as family, business, or other natural groupings where we (males) are involved.
Two: Men need time alone in order to contemplate where they are in life and what they need to do in order to proceed forward. If you do not take this time alone for self-reflection life has a way of smothering you and you won’t be able to see through the fog. Find ways of spending time alone in self-reflection and it will keep you aligned with your purpose, your goals, and what you perceive as your truth. This was referred to as “cave time.”
Three: Males need to find ways of releasing their warrior energies. Males are born with aggressive tendencies. This is why they were the primary candidates for soldiers in war. They could be trained to unleash their warrior-like energies. These energies can be released by, playing games, looking at violent movies, exerting themselves physically through playing hard, and the like.
Four: Men need to regularly exert their muscles in different ways. There are energies that are running through your system that need to be managed properly. Allowing your muscles to flex helps to manage your masculine energies. Doing different things that allow your muscles to flex helps nurture your masculinity.
Five: Push yourself to new higher limits. Not only do you need to push your muscles, you need to push your mind. You need to reach for higher goals. Don’t get too comfortable with the status quo because that makes you age. Learn new things and keep pushing yourself.
Six: Do random acts of kindness. This will keep you spiritually-adjusted. Learn to do things for others. Learn to put the needs of others above your own selfish needs. Even though you need to always protect self, thinking outside of the self helps you to practice your masculine roles and the responsibilities that are expected of you. You are protector and provider. In order to do so you must think outside of just yourself.
Seven: Don’t punish those in your inner circle. Usually you take out your frustrations on the ones who are nearest to you. The ones in your own home tend to catch the brunt of your emotional storms. Find other ways of releasing without punishing the ones in your inner circle.
Eight: Do things that make you feel accomplished and in charge. Just as you would make a “to-do list” for the job or for household chores, make a list of things you do just to satisfy your needs. Perhaps no one does things for you that make you feel good. Not to worry, make your own list and do them for you just as you would do them for others.
Nine: Overcome procrastination. When something needs to be done do it immediately. Don’t put things off until later because that becomes a deadly habit. Make a check-list and do the ones that are tough first. The rest will be so easy that they practically take care of themselves. Become proactive. Do it NOW!
Ten: Don’t allow fear to freeze you. Most of us allow our fears to stop us in our tracks. If you want to do something and sense fear, face it. There is a reason why most people do not accomplish their goals. It is because they allow fear to stop them from acting. Face fear and overcome it. Use it as your motivation.
Eleven: Practice containing your anger. When you sense anger beginning to grow inside you, become conscious of the escalating agitation. Do something to divert or displace the anger. Sense it; give it a name as you would a tropical storm. When you face it you gain the upper hand rather than allowing it to take you out of your mental control.
Twelve: Create a male support group or system. Find other males you can speak to about emotional things or things that you don’t know how to express. A best buddy is good to have but if not, find other males that you can bounce things off. Don’t live in a bubble. Create a male support system.
I am not trying to infringe on copyrighted material but instead passing on something that I thought was extremely beneficial in helping me understand my masculine needs. Google John Gray PhD and learn more of his pointers to aid in your understanding of gender needs and differences. This is my paraphrase of what I learned from that book. I am happy to give credit where credit is due. Again, this is not something that I created.
Yes guys, you have masculine needs. Make sure you are doing something to fulfill those needs just as you are doing things to fill the needs of others.
However, when it comes to taking care of your masculine needs, very little attention is given. Males do all they can to please and nurture females, but the opposite is not the standard. When it comes to nurturing masculine needs most males are not consciously aware of what their needs may be because rarely is it verbally expressed. It is not that males want to become pampered by females but that they have certain needs that will make them function better. It is similar to how vehicles require regular maintenance in order to function at their best level of performance.
Several years back I read a booklet that spoke about masculine needs and how to nurture them. At the time I was not aware that I needed certain pampering or maintenance in order to function to the best of my ability. After reading this material I got it right away. I realized that when I was properly maintained I functioned better. Many men think that they need to be fulfilled sexually and that would place them at the top of their abilities.
In truth sex pertains to a physical need, but we are more than just physical creatures. We have emotional, spiritual and psychological needs in addition to our physical needs. Although our physical needs are quite important, sex is not a cure-all. It is not even a panacea for our physical needs.
Without getting into copyrighted material I will summarize some of the things this material revealed to me in reference to our masculine needs. Once you become aware of these needs you can personally take charge of being in charge of your own masculinity. You become the gatekeeper in order to make sure you are being properly maintained. Many of these requirements are up to you to carve out pf time and space in order to make sure they are met. Below, I will briefly mention these needs and you can figure out where you stand by way of servicing and maintenance. This was taken from a booklet by John Gray, PhD called, “Twelve Ways for Men to Nurture Their Masculinity.”
One: Men need to spend time with other males competing as a team or as individuals. This helps them to sharpen their personal tools. As boys you learned to play hard against each other. Even though you saw that as play, you learned life skills that help you today in a competitive world. When you learn to operate as a team that helps you in things such as family, business, or other natural groupings where we (males) are involved.
Two: Men need time alone in order to contemplate where they are in life and what they need to do in order to proceed forward. If you do not take this time alone for self-reflection life has a way of smothering you and you won’t be able to see through the fog. Find ways of spending time alone in self-reflection and it will keep you aligned with your purpose, your goals, and what you perceive as your truth. This was referred to as “cave time.”
Three: Males need to find ways of releasing their warrior energies. Males are born with aggressive tendencies. This is why they were the primary candidates for soldiers in war. They could be trained to unleash their warrior-like energies. These energies can be released by, playing games, looking at violent movies, exerting themselves physically through playing hard, and the like.
Four: Men need to regularly exert their muscles in different ways. There are energies that are running through your system that need to be managed properly. Allowing your muscles to flex helps to manage your masculine energies. Doing different things that allow your muscles to flex helps nurture your masculinity.
Five: Push yourself to new higher limits. Not only do you need to push your muscles, you need to push your mind. You need to reach for higher goals. Don’t get too comfortable with the status quo because that makes you age. Learn new things and keep pushing yourself.
Six: Do random acts of kindness. This will keep you spiritually-adjusted. Learn to do things for others. Learn to put the needs of others above your own selfish needs. Even though you need to always protect self, thinking outside of the self helps you to practice your masculine roles and the responsibilities that are expected of you. You are protector and provider. In order to do so you must think outside of just yourself.
Seven: Don’t punish those in your inner circle. Usually you take out your frustrations on the ones who are nearest to you. The ones in your own home tend to catch the brunt of your emotional storms. Find other ways of releasing without punishing the ones in your inner circle.
Eight: Do things that make you feel accomplished and in charge. Just as you would make a “to-do list” for the job or for household chores, make a list of things you do just to satisfy your needs. Perhaps no one does things for you that make you feel good. Not to worry, make your own list and do them for you just as you would do them for others.
Nine: Overcome procrastination. When something needs to be done do it immediately. Don’t put things off until later because that becomes a deadly habit. Make a check-list and do the ones that are tough first. The rest will be so easy that they practically take care of themselves. Become proactive. Do it NOW!
Ten: Don’t allow fear to freeze you. Most of us allow our fears to stop us in our tracks. If you want to do something and sense fear, face it. There is a reason why most people do not accomplish their goals. It is because they allow fear to stop them from acting. Face fear and overcome it. Use it as your motivation.
Eleven: Practice containing your anger. When you sense anger beginning to grow inside you, become conscious of the escalating agitation. Do something to divert or displace the anger. Sense it; give it a name as you would a tropical storm. When you face it you gain the upper hand rather than allowing it to take you out of your mental control.
Twelve: Create a male support group or system. Find other males you can speak to about emotional things or things that you don’t know how to express. A best buddy is good to have but if not, find other males that you can bounce things off. Don’t live in a bubble. Create a male support system.
I am not trying to infringe on copyrighted material but instead passing on something that I thought was extremely beneficial in helping me understand my masculine needs. Google John Gray PhD and learn more of his pointers to aid in your understanding of gender needs and differences. This is my paraphrase of what I learned from that book. I am happy to give credit where credit is due. Again, this is not something that I created.
Yes guys, you have masculine needs. Make sure you are doing something to fulfill those needs just as you are doing things to fill the needs of others.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Parenting Issues
One of the major responsibilities for most males is the role of parenting. For most of them this responsibility does not come easy. Males in general are not formally taught how to be good parents. Most learn from watching others fill this role such as our father, relatives, or other male role models that happened to be in their focus of attention. Because of this lack of adequate parental education most have their share of failures when it comes to being fathers.
Parenting can be a very tough role to fill. Like most other adult roles it requires on the job training. We do the best we can with the few skills we have. Unfortunately most of us don’t have good reliable resources to turn to when we have questions regarding how to effectively parent our children. Most don’t even have reliable resources to turn to in order to learn about marital issues in general, which include dealing with your spouse in addition to the children, the in-laws, aging parents, and a host of things that come with matrimony.
If you only had one issue to handle such as being a great dad perhaps you could buckle down and tackle that chore with personal pride and do an adequate job of what you set out to achieve. If life were that simple then more of us would be much more successful. Unfortunately we do not get to tell life when or how to dish us out our responsibilities. They do not come just one at a time wrapped in a neat package. On the contrary they usually come in bundles. While you are learning how to become a decent parent you have to also learn how to be a decent husband at the same time. You have to learn how to get along with in-laws, how to deal with employment issues, and a multitude of other issues at the same time. In fact, when it rains, it pours!
When you open the doors of problems to deal with they seem to flock together. Most young married couples don’t have the necessary maturity to deal with that much stress under intense pressure so many times they fold under fire. The marriage crumbles. Yet, you have to still be a parent to your children for life. How do you separate all the anger and venom from a failed marriage so you can still perform your job and responsibility as a parent? No one ever said it would be easy. When you thought you were falling in love with your potential mate you never anticipated having so many things to deal with at once, all requiring your immediate attention.
I’m not trying to paint a dark picture, but before you make the decision to become a parent you need to think through the big picture. Being married in and of itself can be trying and complicated. Learning how to deal with in-laws can have its challenges. Dealing jointly with finances, employment issues, career issues, and just coming together as a team with others is extremely challenging. Wouldn’t it be prudent to work slowly into all these tentacles before you bring children into the world when you will be required to master being the parent in addition to all the other issues?
Being a parent is one of your most important roles as a male, if you decide to become one. Since it is such a precious responsibility you should think carefully before you allow the heat of the moment to create a child. Although you may never be fully ready for the challenges that a young family offers, you can plan ahead and talk over such things with your spouse in order to have a planned family rather than one that you are dealing with blindly. For those who choose to bring children into the world with no desire to become a fully-active parent, shame on you. That is a cruel thing to do to a child, who deserves a fair chance to compete in such a complicated world.
If you choose to get married and start a family, make sure you think this thing through. Don’t just allow regularly and readily available sex to dominate your reason for getting married or for having children. It is much more complicated that just calling yourself a married person. There is much to do, much to learn, and much to consider, especially before you bring children into the world. If you get married while you are young, in your teens or early twenties, don’t rush children into the package. Learn about each other and about the complications of being married before you take the next logical step of bringing children into the picture. Once you bring them in it is too late to undo the lifelong obligation of parenting.
These are things that males need to think through before just jumping into the sack. It is not just for the pleasure of sex. If you want just sex do something to insure that you do not accidentally bring a child into the world unplanned and perhaps even unwanted! Don’t be that irresponsible with the life of a child. Don’t take the role of parenting lightly. It requires much more than you may think while only looking at the picture from the outside. It is a tough responsibility, but it can be a very rewarding one. All I am saying is to think it through wisely before you decide to become a parent. Be prepared for the challenges and step up to the plate to do the right things when the issues come up. Being a parent is one of the toughest roles you could have as a male, but also one of the most rewarding when it is done right.
Greg Middleton is the founder of Real Men Seminars LLC, an organization dedicated to helping men become better men.
Parenting can be a very tough role to fill. Like most other adult roles it requires on the job training. We do the best we can with the few skills we have. Unfortunately most of us don’t have good reliable resources to turn to when we have questions regarding how to effectively parent our children. Most don’t even have reliable resources to turn to in order to learn about marital issues in general, which include dealing with your spouse in addition to the children, the in-laws, aging parents, and a host of things that come with matrimony.
If you only had one issue to handle such as being a great dad perhaps you could buckle down and tackle that chore with personal pride and do an adequate job of what you set out to achieve. If life were that simple then more of us would be much more successful. Unfortunately we do not get to tell life when or how to dish us out our responsibilities. They do not come just one at a time wrapped in a neat package. On the contrary they usually come in bundles. While you are learning how to become a decent parent you have to also learn how to be a decent husband at the same time. You have to learn how to get along with in-laws, how to deal with employment issues, and a multitude of other issues at the same time. In fact, when it rains, it pours!
When you open the doors of problems to deal with they seem to flock together. Most young married couples don’t have the necessary maturity to deal with that much stress under intense pressure so many times they fold under fire. The marriage crumbles. Yet, you have to still be a parent to your children for life. How do you separate all the anger and venom from a failed marriage so you can still perform your job and responsibility as a parent? No one ever said it would be easy. When you thought you were falling in love with your potential mate you never anticipated having so many things to deal with at once, all requiring your immediate attention.
I’m not trying to paint a dark picture, but before you make the decision to become a parent you need to think through the big picture. Being married in and of itself can be trying and complicated. Learning how to deal with in-laws can have its challenges. Dealing jointly with finances, employment issues, career issues, and just coming together as a team with others is extremely challenging. Wouldn’t it be prudent to work slowly into all these tentacles before you bring children into the world when you will be required to master being the parent in addition to all the other issues?
Being a parent is one of your most important roles as a male, if you decide to become one. Since it is such a precious responsibility you should think carefully before you allow the heat of the moment to create a child. Although you may never be fully ready for the challenges that a young family offers, you can plan ahead and talk over such things with your spouse in order to have a planned family rather than one that you are dealing with blindly. For those who choose to bring children into the world with no desire to become a fully-active parent, shame on you. That is a cruel thing to do to a child, who deserves a fair chance to compete in such a complicated world.
If you choose to get married and start a family, make sure you think this thing through. Don’t just allow regularly and readily available sex to dominate your reason for getting married or for having children. It is much more complicated that just calling yourself a married person. There is much to do, much to learn, and much to consider, especially before you bring children into the world. If you get married while you are young, in your teens or early twenties, don’t rush children into the package. Learn about each other and about the complications of being married before you take the next logical step of bringing children into the picture. Once you bring them in it is too late to undo the lifelong obligation of parenting.
These are things that males need to think through before just jumping into the sack. It is not just for the pleasure of sex. If you want just sex do something to insure that you do not accidentally bring a child into the world unplanned and perhaps even unwanted! Don’t be that irresponsible with the life of a child. Don’t take the role of parenting lightly. It requires much more than you may think while only looking at the picture from the outside. It is a tough responsibility, but it can be a very rewarding one. All I am saying is to think it through wisely before you decide to become a parent. Be prepared for the challenges and step up to the plate to do the right things when the issues come up. Being a parent is one of the toughest roles you could have as a male, but also one of the most rewarding when it is done right.
Greg Middleton is the founder of Real Men Seminars LLC, an organization dedicated to helping men become better men.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
THE RACE CARD
ALTHOUGH THIS SUBJECT IS NOT SPECIFIC TO JUST MALES, IT IS TO ALL PEOPLE. BOTH MALES AND FEMALES NEED TO FIND WAYS TO GET BEYOND THINGS SUCH AS THIS IN ORDER TO BECOME A HEALTHY SOCIETY.
Sparks of fire ignite from time to time instigated by a racial issue . Albeit a remark made by a public figure such as a politician, or an abuse of authority made by someone in a leadership position, such as a police officer, it doesn’t take much of a spark to ignite a fire when it comes to racial matters. The reason this happens is because just beneath the surface of society there is a huge undercurrent of sores that have never been properly dealt with. People haven’t been able to safely vent their concerns related to racial matters. Consequently these sores hover all around us just out of public view. They're like a powder keg waiting to explode. During times when certain issues are brought to our attention they normally trigger sparks that ignite the fuse of these deep emotional scars.
Without a doubt we have made great strides toward racial justice, but the pit was, and still is so deep that we need to find ways of analyzing the gravity of the issues before we can methodically work toward curing them. This problem will not fade away overnight. It will not die unless we bring it to the forefront and deal with it. Waiting on the people who are tainted by bigotry to die, alone will not solve the problem. Like the ocean, even though the surface of the problem may appear rather calm, there are always deep hidden undercurrents below the surface. Just ignoring the problem is rarely the best solution to solving it.
As a nearly sixty one year old African American Male born in the South, I’m a witness to the reality of racial matters, including discrimination, bigotry, separation, injustices in the law and law-keepers, and the like. One would think that I would be an angry Black Man, but that certainly is not the case. Like MLK and many others like him, I believe in finding peaceful means of dealing with the racial issues rather than violent ones. Even though both methods have proven to be remotely successful to a degree, ultimately you cannot achieve true peace by using chaos. It’s like fighting fire with fire.
The laws of nature are very specific. The law of Karma (cause and effect) mandates that each cause bring about a corresponding effect. What you dish out is what returns to the source from which it originated. Evil begets evil and peace begets peace. Using fire to put out a fire is not wise. Using the same destructive energy that perpetuated racism and bigotry is not the way to cure it. We need to counteract a specific energy with its polar opposite in order to extinguish it.
Since we cannot see into the invisible realm where spiritual channels such as energies exist, it is easy to assume that they are not being enforced. Our minds want to see the smoking gun and know a bullet was just fired. In the spiritual universe where universal laws prevail much that happens is unseen. We only see the results of the laws but rarely are we conscious of the actual law, as they are being met.
With issues such as racial matters much of the factors that control the output are unseen. This makes it difficult to trace the smoking gun. Many social rifts that control society are so subtle that you may not consciously trace them as they are happening, but you do see their effects. With racial bigotry we will have to go deeper into the source in order to affect a cure. Where there is hate we need to apply love as the remedy rather than more hate. Sweeping such issues as racial matters under the rug is definitely not the most effective measure of dealing with it.
I would personally love to see a day when we could openly discuss things such as race without sparking fires. If people make their minds up that they want to find a cure then such a mutual goal would dictate and resonate in the hearts and minds of people. On the other hand, if they come to the table with a chip on their shoulder sparks will ignite. From those sparks fires will break out. Negative energies only bring forth more of its kind. When the hearts and minds of people are controlled by love and the desire to improve and/or solve the problems, most of the work would have already been completed even before people gathered.
As a free soul in the universe I would like to offer my hand with the race card in it to anyone who would like to see racial bigotry eradicated. Even though certain situations and circumstances of the past may say otherwise, I am only interested in a particular present that will manifest a predictable future. I am no longer motivated by hate, fear, self-gratification, selfish ambitions, or by forces of evil. I genuinely want to see a world that is motivated by love rather than hate. If I start by eradicating hate from my heart, I will become loveable rather than hate-able. The reasons why we are in this position are no longer important to me. In fact, they are the chains that keep me from reaching my ultimate goal, which is to love. I wish to love my fellow men and to be loved by them. Perhaps this may be too lofty a goal to set, but I must reach for it.
Will you join me?
I just dealt the race card; will anyone come and play cards with me?
Sparks of fire ignite from time to time instigated by a racial issue . Albeit a remark made by a public figure such as a politician, or an abuse of authority made by someone in a leadership position, such as a police officer, it doesn’t take much of a spark to ignite a fire when it comes to racial matters. The reason this happens is because just beneath the surface of society there is a huge undercurrent of sores that have never been properly dealt with. People haven’t been able to safely vent their concerns related to racial matters. Consequently these sores hover all around us just out of public view. They're like a powder keg waiting to explode. During times when certain issues are brought to our attention they normally trigger sparks that ignite the fuse of these deep emotional scars.
Without a doubt we have made great strides toward racial justice, but the pit was, and still is so deep that we need to find ways of analyzing the gravity of the issues before we can methodically work toward curing them. This problem will not fade away overnight. It will not die unless we bring it to the forefront and deal with it. Waiting on the people who are tainted by bigotry to die, alone will not solve the problem. Like the ocean, even though the surface of the problem may appear rather calm, there are always deep hidden undercurrents below the surface. Just ignoring the problem is rarely the best solution to solving it.
As a nearly sixty one year old African American Male born in the South, I’m a witness to the reality of racial matters, including discrimination, bigotry, separation, injustices in the law and law-keepers, and the like. One would think that I would be an angry Black Man, but that certainly is not the case. Like MLK and many others like him, I believe in finding peaceful means of dealing with the racial issues rather than violent ones. Even though both methods have proven to be remotely successful to a degree, ultimately you cannot achieve true peace by using chaos. It’s like fighting fire with fire.
The laws of nature are very specific. The law of Karma (cause and effect) mandates that each cause bring about a corresponding effect. What you dish out is what returns to the source from which it originated. Evil begets evil and peace begets peace. Using fire to put out a fire is not wise. Using the same destructive energy that perpetuated racism and bigotry is not the way to cure it. We need to counteract a specific energy with its polar opposite in order to extinguish it.
Since we cannot see into the invisible realm where spiritual channels such as energies exist, it is easy to assume that they are not being enforced. Our minds want to see the smoking gun and know a bullet was just fired. In the spiritual universe where universal laws prevail much that happens is unseen. We only see the results of the laws but rarely are we conscious of the actual law, as they are being met.
With issues such as racial matters much of the factors that control the output are unseen. This makes it difficult to trace the smoking gun. Many social rifts that control society are so subtle that you may not consciously trace them as they are happening, but you do see their effects. With racial bigotry we will have to go deeper into the source in order to affect a cure. Where there is hate we need to apply love as the remedy rather than more hate. Sweeping such issues as racial matters under the rug is definitely not the most effective measure of dealing with it.
I would personally love to see a day when we could openly discuss things such as race without sparking fires. If people make their minds up that they want to find a cure then such a mutual goal would dictate and resonate in the hearts and minds of people. On the other hand, if they come to the table with a chip on their shoulder sparks will ignite. From those sparks fires will break out. Negative energies only bring forth more of its kind. When the hearts and minds of people are controlled by love and the desire to improve and/or solve the problems, most of the work would have already been completed even before people gathered.
As a free soul in the universe I would like to offer my hand with the race card in it to anyone who would like to see racial bigotry eradicated. Even though certain situations and circumstances of the past may say otherwise, I am only interested in a particular present that will manifest a predictable future. I am no longer motivated by hate, fear, self-gratification, selfish ambitions, or by forces of evil. I genuinely want to see a world that is motivated by love rather than hate. If I start by eradicating hate from my heart, I will become loveable rather than hate-able. The reasons why we are in this position are no longer important to me. In fact, they are the chains that keep me from reaching my ultimate goal, which is to love. I wish to love my fellow men and to be loved by them. Perhaps this may be too lofty a goal to set, but I must reach for it.
Will you join me?
I just dealt the race card; will anyone come and play cards with me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)