Friday, December 17, 2010

Real men don't cry

Well, the long and the short of this title should be adjusted accordingly: “That’s a lie!” Grown men do cry. Even “real grown men” cry, but most would just rather you not see that happen, or not do it out in public among relative strangers.

Because of our upbringing most men fight real hard to hold back tears even when it may be appropriate to let them flow. The loss of a loved one, close friend, or even an associate can bring us to tears. Even attending the funeral of those that are not necessarily that close to us can make us cry when we feel the sorrow of others in their mourning.

In the dark of a movie theater you will find many grown men shedding tears shielded by the darkness of the room. Why, heck, the older I get the more vulnerable I seem to be and freer to shed a tear or two.

At this stage of life I no longer feel ashamed about shedding tears. It makes me feel more human. Holding back legitimate tears makes me feel less human. 'Fessing up to tears welling up is another subject. Our foolish male pride still tells us that real men don’t cry. For some reason it continues to look strange to see a grown man cry in public. That’s not the case for females or children.

On several occasions the newly elected Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has cried in public. He cried at his acceptance speech for winning the election and cried again in an interview with Leslie Stahl of CBS 60-Minutes news show while talking about him crying on election night. Apparently this new Speaker will also be known as the “Weeper” of the House. I know men do cry, but at one point it appears to go a bit overboard. From the public comments so far not everyone seems to be holding it against him.

Crying has ended several political aspirations, as was the case of Ed Muskie attempting to defend his wife back in 1972. This incident was attributed as the cause of his losing the election. Over the past decade men have been detected while crying in public, including all the past presidents since Reagan up to and including our current President, Barack Obama, crying over the loss of his grandmother. Apparently “real men” can cry in public, but it is usually for a very good and specific reason where the public can sympathize with them.

Human beings cry as a response to an emotional state. There is an actual connection between the tear duct (lachrymal gland) and those areas of the human brain involved with processing emotions: that is a normal function of the human body. Both males and females come equipped with this function.

Perhaps females reveal more emotions than males on average. It is socially acceptable for women and children to cry in public, but less acceptable for men to show their emotions outwardly. For most men it’s a matter of “mind over emotions,” similarly to the concept of “mind over matter.” The urge is there, but the mind tells them not to let it show.

Where does the pressure come from that compel most males not to cry in public? Unfortunately pride seems to be the main culprit. Pride is a high sense of one’s personal status, ego, or importance. It may be an inordinate opinion of one’s merit or dignity. It is mostly our personal opinion of the self, not necessarily something that is based upon facts or supported by physicality. It exists mostly in the mind of the beholder.

If males think crying makes them appear to be less of a man they would rather not do things that make them appear to be a “weakling.” In this case they are more concerned about how others view them rather than something they might do to them physically. This is caused by our over-inflated pride.

The bottom line is that men do cry. It is part of our human function. The fact that it is less acceptable for men to cry in public is a perception that we must deal with as well. People will do really foolish things in order to keep certain secrets they do not want publicly exposed, even including suicide.

As far as the new Speaker of the House is concerned, if he cries because he didn’t get the particular vote that he expected I would worry about him, but when his emotions get the better of him while expressing emotional things, that is something we might have to get used to seeing in public. After all, he is human like the rest of us.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sins of The Father

When you speak about things such as generational curses it is hard for someone who hasn’t been touched by it to conceive what it could possibly mean. How can the sins of a father transfer to an innocent child who was not responsible for the acts and deeds that happened, maybe before they came into the world? Such borders the mystic, strange, or the Gnostic.

Just recently the son of Bernard Madoff hanged himself by a dog lease in his apartment as his two-year old child slept in another room in the home. One could only imagine what would cause an intelligent person to commit such an act with the child in the home. Unfortunately incidents such as this are not rare.

Apparently three generations will be adversely touched by the sins of this father so far. Who knows how far this stain will remain on the family’s ledger? The egregious acts of this father have already stained many… possibly for generations to come.

How does one account for such a travesty? You feel bad for the innocent ones who had no hand in the act and yet their lives are so adversely affected by the happening.

Besides, and perhaps before the family members of the perpetrator, you have the individuals who were the actual victims of the crime along with their family, friends and associates. Their lives were directly impacted by the acts. Not only are the sins of the father an infliction, who knows how many others may be impacted in some fashion?

Is there any rationale for such? Is there any justification for those involved?

One thing we all can learn as bystanders is the danger of wrongful behaviors. With each action there is always a reaction, and with each cause an effect. How far and how deep the effect may dig is not within the hands of the perpetuator. That would be up to the LAW. The only option we have is the choice not to make the cause. Once it is made the consequences follow as the universe compels them.

It is said that we should be impeccable with all energies that emit from our beings. This includes our acts, deeds, thoughts, and spoken words. It also includes our wishes, desires, hopes, dreams and the like. In essence we are like a processing plant creating things which intern produces more of its likeness.

That would imply that as we are living and going about life we are actually co-creating it. We are causing things to happen that causes other things to happen so we are co-creators of life while in it.

Obviously many do so without thinking about what they are doing so therefore they may be careless with certain actions. Even without the intent to cause harm an action may still cause a harmful reaction so the act of carelessness would have been the fault. On the other hand when you are impeccable with your acts and deeds and still make errors such goes beyond the scope of our control. However it would seem to put you on the positive side of the cause and effect equation.

Keeping these generalities in mind one could only do their best in any given situation and accept the consequences beyond that point. It is dangerous enough when one is unaware of harmful energies that they emit, but to do so with malicious intent crosses another line of the universe where consequences are more severe. It would be prudent not to cross such lines even suspecting the possibility of facing such consequences. Everything that comes from you will be accounted for eventually.

Regarding the sins of a father, we may feel bad for the apparently innocent victims but with the same law that appears to be unjust on this side of the equation, it’s reciprocal works the opposite on the other side with utter perfection.

Nothing goes unpaid; every ounce is accounted for, and to each will come what is due. Fear not! Your finite mind was not built to hold what is infinite; it does not have the capacity to do so. This also implies that the finish line does not happen with death of our bodies, but in another realm where the end substantiates the beginning and all is eventually made whole. Every soul will get there. Be impeccable in all you do.