One of the major responsibilities for most males is the role of parenting. For most of them this responsibility does not come easy. Males in general are not formally taught how to be good parents. Most learn from watching others fill this role such as our father, relatives, or other male role models that happened to be in their focus of attention. Because of this lack of adequate parental education most have their share of failures when it comes to being fathers.
Parenting can be a very tough role to fill. Like most other adult roles it requires on the job training. We do the best we can with the few skills we have. Unfortunately most of us don’t have good reliable resources to turn to when we have questions regarding how to effectively parent our children. Most don’t even have reliable resources to turn to in order to learn about marital issues in general, which include dealing with your spouse in addition to the children, the in-laws, aging parents, and a host of things that come with matrimony.
If you only had one issue to handle such as being a great dad perhaps you could buckle down and tackle that chore with personal pride and do an adequate job of what you set out to achieve. If life were that simple then more of us would be much more successful. Unfortunately we do not get to tell life when or how to dish us out our responsibilities. They do not come just one at a time wrapped in a neat package. On the contrary they usually come in bundles. While you are learning how to become a decent parent you have to also learn how to be a decent husband at the same time. You have to learn how to get along with in-laws, how to deal with employment issues, and a multitude of other issues at the same time. In fact, when it rains, it pours!
When you open the doors of problems to deal with they seem to flock together. Most young married couples don’t have the necessary maturity to deal with that much stress under intense pressure so many times they fold under fire. The marriage crumbles. Yet, you have to still be a parent to your children for life. How do you separate all the anger and venom from a failed marriage so you can still perform your job and responsibility as a parent? No one ever said it would be easy. When you thought you were falling in love with your potential mate you never anticipated having so many things to deal with at once, all requiring your immediate attention.
I’m not trying to paint a dark picture, but before you make the decision to become a parent you need to think through the big picture. Being married in and of itself can be trying and complicated. Learning how to deal with in-laws can have its challenges. Dealing jointly with finances, employment issues, career issues, and just coming together as a team with others is extremely challenging. Wouldn’t it be prudent to work slowly into all these tentacles before you bring children into the world when you will be required to master being the parent in addition to all the other issues?
Being a parent is one of your most important roles as a male, if you decide to become one. Since it is such a precious responsibility you should think carefully before you allow the heat of the moment to create a child. Although you may never be fully ready for the challenges that a young family offers, you can plan ahead and talk over such things with your spouse in order to have a planned family rather than one that you are dealing with blindly. For those who choose to bring children into the world with no desire to become a fully-active parent, shame on you. That is a cruel thing to do to a child, who deserves a fair chance to compete in such a complicated world.
If you choose to get married and start a family, make sure you think this thing through. Don’t just allow regularly and readily available sex to dominate your reason for getting married or for having children. It is much more complicated that just calling yourself a married person. There is much to do, much to learn, and much to consider, especially before you bring children into the world. If you get married while you are young, in your teens or early twenties, don’t rush children into the package. Learn about each other and about the complications of being married before you take the next logical step of bringing children into the picture. Once you bring them in it is too late to undo the lifelong obligation of parenting.
These are things that males need to think through before just jumping into the sack. It is not just for the pleasure of sex. If you want just sex do something to insure that you do not accidentally bring a child into the world unplanned and perhaps even unwanted! Don’t be that irresponsible with the life of a child. Don’t take the role of parenting lightly. It requires much more than you may think while only looking at the picture from the outside. It is a tough responsibility, but it can be a very rewarding one. All I am saying is to think it through wisely before you decide to become a parent. Be prepared for the challenges and step up to the plate to do the right things when the issues come up. Being a parent is one of the toughest roles you could have as a male, but also one of the most rewarding when it is done right.
Greg Middleton is the founder of Real Men Seminars LLC, an organization dedicated to helping men become better men.
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