Friday, December 17, 2010

Real men don't cry

Well, the long and the short of this title should be adjusted accordingly: “That’s a lie!” Grown men do cry. Even “real grown men” cry, but most would just rather you not see that happen, or not do it out in public among relative strangers.

Because of our upbringing most men fight real hard to hold back tears even when it may be appropriate to let them flow. The loss of a loved one, close friend, or even an associate can bring us to tears. Even attending the funeral of those that are not necessarily that close to us can make us cry when we feel the sorrow of others in their mourning.

In the dark of a movie theater you will find many grown men shedding tears shielded by the darkness of the room. Why, heck, the older I get the more vulnerable I seem to be and freer to shed a tear or two.

At this stage of life I no longer feel ashamed about shedding tears. It makes me feel more human. Holding back legitimate tears makes me feel less human. 'Fessing up to tears welling up is another subject. Our foolish male pride still tells us that real men don’t cry. For some reason it continues to look strange to see a grown man cry in public. That’s not the case for females or children.

On several occasions the newly elected Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has cried in public. He cried at his acceptance speech for winning the election and cried again in an interview with Leslie Stahl of CBS 60-Minutes news show while talking about him crying on election night. Apparently this new Speaker will also be known as the “Weeper” of the House. I know men do cry, but at one point it appears to go a bit overboard. From the public comments so far not everyone seems to be holding it against him.

Crying has ended several political aspirations, as was the case of Ed Muskie attempting to defend his wife back in 1972. This incident was attributed as the cause of his losing the election. Over the past decade men have been detected while crying in public, including all the past presidents since Reagan up to and including our current President, Barack Obama, crying over the loss of his grandmother. Apparently “real men” can cry in public, but it is usually for a very good and specific reason where the public can sympathize with them.

Human beings cry as a response to an emotional state. There is an actual connection between the tear duct (lachrymal gland) and those areas of the human brain involved with processing emotions: that is a normal function of the human body. Both males and females come equipped with this function.

Perhaps females reveal more emotions than males on average. It is socially acceptable for women and children to cry in public, but less acceptable for men to show their emotions outwardly. For most men it’s a matter of “mind over emotions,” similarly to the concept of “mind over matter.” The urge is there, but the mind tells them not to let it show.

Where does the pressure come from that compel most males not to cry in public? Unfortunately pride seems to be the main culprit. Pride is a high sense of one’s personal status, ego, or importance. It may be an inordinate opinion of one’s merit or dignity. It is mostly our personal opinion of the self, not necessarily something that is based upon facts or supported by physicality. It exists mostly in the mind of the beholder.

If males think crying makes them appear to be less of a man they would rather not do things that make them appear to be a “weakling.” In this case they are more concerned about how others view them rather than something they might do to them physically. This is caused by our over-inflated pride.

The bottom line is that men do cry. It is part of our human function. The fact that it is less acceptable for men to cry in public is a perception that we must deal with as well. People will do really foolish things in order to keep certain secrets they do not want publicly exposed, even including suicide.

As far as the new Speaker of the House is concerned, if he cries because he didn’t get the particular vote that he expected I would worry about him, but when his emotions get the better of him while expressing emotional things, that is something we might have to get used to seeing in public. After all, he is human like the rest of us.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sins of The Father

When you speak about things such as generational curses it is hard for someone who hasn’t been touched by it to conceive what it could possibly mean. How can the sins of a father transfer to an innocent child who was not responsible for the acts and deeds that happened, maybe before they came into the world? Such borders the mystic, strange, or the Gnostic.

Just recently the son of Bernard Madoff hanged himself by a dog lease in his apartment as his two-year old child slept in another room in the home. One could only imagine what would cause an intelligent person to commit such an act with the child in the home. Unfortunately incidents such as this are not rare.

Apparently three generations will be adversely touched by the sins of this father so far. Who knows how far this stain will remain on the family’s ledger? The egregious acts of this father have already stained many… possibly for generations to come.

How does one account for such a travesty? You feel bad for the innocent ones who had no hand in the act and yet their lives are so adversely affected by the happening.

Besides, and perhaps before the family members of the perpetrator, you have the individuals who were the actual victims of the crime along with their family, friends and associates. Their lives were directly impacted by the acts. Not only are the sins of the father an infliction, who knows how many others may be impacted in some fashion?

Is there any rationale for such? Is there any justification for those involved?

One thing we all can learn as bystanders is the danger of wrongful behaviors. With each action there is always a reaction, and with each cause an effect. How far and how deep the effect may dig is not within the hands of the perpetuator. That would be up to the LAW. The only option we have is the choice not to make the cause. Once it is made the consequences follow as the universe compels them.

It is said that we should be impeccable with all energies that emit from our beings. This includes our acts, deeds, thoughts, and spoken words. It also includes our wishes, desires, hopes, dreams and the like. In essence we are like a processing plant creating things which intern produces more of its likeness.

That would imply that as we are living and going about life we are actually co-creating it. We are causing things to happen that causes other things to happen so we are co-creators of life while in it.

Obviously many do so without thinking about what they are doing so therefore they may be careless with certain actions. Even without the intent to cause harm an action may still cause a harmful reaction so the act of carelessness would have been the fault. On the other hand when you are impeccable with your acts and deeds and still make errors such goes beyond the scope of our control. However it would seem to put you on the positive side of the cause and effect equation.

Keeping these generalities in mind one could only do their best in any given situation and accept the consequences beyond that point. It is dangerous enough when one is unaware of harmful energies that they emit, but to do so with malicious intent crosses another line of the universe where consequences are more severe. It would be prudent not to cross such lines even suspecting the possibility of facing such consequences. Everything that comes from you will be accounted for eventually.

Regarding the sins of a father, we may feel bad for the apparently innocent victims but with the same law that appears to be unjust on this side of the equation, it’s reciprocal works the opposite on the other side with utter perfection.

Nothing goes unpaid; every ounce is accounted for, and to each will come what is due. Fear not! Your finite mind was not built to hold what is infinite; it does not have the capacity to do so. This also implies that the finish line does not happen with death of our bodies, but in another realm where the end substantiates the beginning and all is eventually made whole. Every soul will get there. Be impeccable in all you do.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I think I get it now...

It was always confusing to me in trying to understand the apparent inconsistencies in human behavior. Even though we are physically similar, our mental, spiritual, and emotional aspects make us so dramatically different.

Think about the vast differences between a mass murderer and a nun. Other than being two living and breathing human beings, just how similar are these two individuals?

How about a bank robber and a bank teller? What about a drug dealer and a drug addict? How about a soldier of war and a street thug killer? How are these humans similar and what part makes them totally different?

From an outward perspective we recognize each other’s human element. Unlike zebras or tigers that recognize each other’s markings, we see only a surface that differentiates us from other mammals. We recognize our human aspect, but other than that we know very little.

Because we are so wonderfully made yet so imperfectly assimilated our physical appearance tells us very little about the real person inside the human facade. A thief could look like a saint and a military hero could look like a mass murderer.

Judging a person merely by their image tells us only so much about them, but reading and delving into a person’s character can tell you more about the real person inside that shell. Realizing this to be a fact all we would need to do is learn how to read someone’s character.

Unfortunately many people know how to cover up what they don’t want you to know. Take, for example, intimate relationships that end up in marriage: just how much do couples really know about each other before they tie the knot?

The reason behind so many failing marriages is because certain vital information was concealed from the other party. Once this information was revealed the couple found out just how incompatible they were in the first place. Because of this, learning to read character could save so much time and heartache for countless people.

Obviously there are people that go to school to learn how to read behind the façade, but even they are not perfect. One simple way to read into people is to follow your hunches. You get a sense of people almost from the beginning, but most are willing to ignore this sixth sense in order to acquire what’s behind door number two.

Some are so eager to find a mate, a close friend, or to get close to others that they ignore what their sixth sense tells them. This is similar to the secret of a good magician. They intentionally convince you that you are seeing something that in reality, you are not!

In order to read another's character you have to decide in advance to look beyond the facade, or what your eyes reveal to you. By doing this, your mind opens interior eyes that are not just attached to the sight, but much deeper to the heart-sensor as well.

You sense character through the heart rather than the eyes. It is feeling something that is unseen, which is the essence of the spiritual and emotional charkas. It is a knowing beyond conscious awareness.

The problem most have is our willingness to accept what is seen rather than probe more deeply into the unseen, which is the real person inside the shell. Their character is their soul. The soul cannot lie because it is the total essence of the person beyond their physical characteristics and attributes.

It is said that the eyes open a window to the soul of a person. If you are contemplating adding someone into your inner circle, such as in an intimate relationship, look into their eyes without speech or preconception and see what is revealed from their soul.

Stop looking at what you want to see and feel what you sense instead. We all have this ability, but many choose not to use it. In understanding the apparent inconsistencies of human behavior try using your sixth sense rather than what the eyes reveal. When you sense something don’t ignore it in order to acquire the storefront dressings.

I think I get this now…you have to want IT first. Not what you hope for, but what’s really there.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes

ALTADENA – Have you ever wondered why there seems to be so much chaos, conflict and confusion in the world?

In truth there are so many mini-worlds in the entire world. People can live and die in a relatively close in proximity and never know each other. In order to get to know people there must first be a desire to do so or, secondly, something that causes your paths to coincide.

Think about how many different shoes you pass by daily. We have our leaders, the clergy, law enforcement, business owners, educational community, the banking community, real estate services, child care facilities; senior citizen care and services, neighborhood associations, the military, healthcare providers, builders, craftsmen, farmers, public roads and highway services, the Chamber of Commerce, public services, communication services, entertainment professionals, and on and on. This doesn’t include some of the negative distinctions such perverts, criminals, or derelicts.

In your community alone there are so many different walks of life on so many levels of the spectrum. You might wonder why there isn’t more unity among people, the causative reason being that we all walk in so many different paths that chances are that we may never walk a mile in each other’s shoes.

Not that long ago I could not figure out why more people couldn’t learn to get along better and live in amity and harmony. One of the reasons may be because of the invisible walls that partition us. I don’t think much of this is intentional, at least not any longer. It’s more in the way we have grown accustomed to living. We are so focused upon our own activities that we pay little attention to the world of others.

Then along the way came a spider. Well, actually, along the way came technology. We are connected in ways like never before. We can literally reach into each other’s space quite easily these days. We may choose to be extremely connected with a huge network of people if we so desire. We are finding out what it’s like walking in another's shoes, perhaps more than we’d like.

It’s not that hard to reach out and touch others these days. However, one of the main factors to consider is personally exposing yourself as you step into the world of others. With smart phones you can point, shoot, and upload into the media. The problem we have so far is learning how to act with this much unbounded freedom. We will need to redefine the rules of this new game.

Because we are able to peek into the lives of so many people it seems as though we know people when we really don’t. We see Obama in the news so much that we think we know him. How about Oprah, Sarah Palin, Kobe Bryant, or your local news personalities? We peek into the lives of these people so often that it appears we know them. In truth you have no idea of what it is like to really walk a mile in their shoes.

Where is all this transparency leading us? For one, I think once we get used to the extra exposure we might possibly become more humane. Perhaps we will become more compassionate with each other as we realize the price of walking in someone else’s shoes.

We just might learn that being rich and famous comes with a price and that being less fortunate financially is not as bad as one might think as long as there is love in the picture.

In truth we don’t know what it is like walking in many of our fellow human being’s shoes but suffice to say that with each walk we'll discover there is a load to carry. It may not be exactly what you imagine.

Might I suggest that before you get so carried away with walking in the shoes of others that you spend an ample or even equal amount of time perfecting your own walk in your own shoes! Before you criticize the lives of others make sure your life is worthy. Learn how to walk a good mile in your own shoes before you try to take on the load of others.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Keep it fresh

The fact that we are suffering through a miserable economy is not news. We’ve been in this mode for over five years now and counting. At times such as this it seems as though we’re going through a lunar eclipse that casts darkness over the entire planet. In this case the darkness is the gloom that is being felt worldwide.

This is not the first time we have experienced such despair. This is not even the worst financial depression the world has faced. Although very few of us were around during the Great Depression of the 1930s, what we’re currently experiencing would have been a joy compared to what they faced.

How do you remain positive when there are so many people and things around you suffering? Most of us know of someone who has lost a job or home or even worse. If you don’t know them personally all you need to do is turn on the news or read the periodicals. When gloom is this pervasive it reaches nearly everyone in some shape or form.

One thing to consider, if or when you are filled to the brim with gloom, is to reduce the amount of negativity that you allow to penetrate your mind. Your mind has an almost unlimited capacity for storage, yet the things that we allow to dominate or proliferate in it takes the full spotlight. It’s like one rotten apple that spoils an entire barrel of good ones.

Perhaps I’m doing myself a disservice as a columnist, but I would strongly suggest that you turn off the news and discard the periodicals that constantly fill your mind with negativity. Instead, find ways to feed the mind with positive things.

Imagine that your mind is a cup. A cup has only a maximum amount of liquids that it may hold. In your cup you may put in muddy unclean water or you may put in mountain-fresh water. If you think of putting just a teaspoon in your cup per day for forty-eight days, your cup would be full of muddy water. The same would be true if you put forty-eight teaspoons of pure, clean water in the cup, it would be full.

Using this analogy why would you constantly put garbage in your mind daily? If you are feeling gloomy perhaps you are “full of it.” Why not instead make a more desirable choice to feed or otherwise fill the mind with wholesome positive thoughts and ideas.

Think about what you are feeding your mind. Are you watching too much television? Do you spend too much time gossiping or socializing through the net? Do you spend too much time around negative people that constantly have bad news to pour into your cup? Until you make an accounting of what you are putting in your cup (mind) you will not do anything to change your current status.

Keeping it fresh means intentionally going out in life and choosing what goes into your mind. Even though you cannot avoid the negativity of life, you don’t have to swim in it. As they say, “birds may fly over your head daily, but you don’t have to allow them to land on your head and build a nest.” You must be in control over your mind.

Go out and take a walk in the woods, in the park, along the beach, through the neighborhood, or just sit silently and quietly on a clear day and gaze at nature. You may also do it in the rain or snow. Find a way to flush out the garbage with which you have been gorging your mind. Consider meeting new friends if your old ones insist upon filling you with muddy water. You don’t need to be rude to them, simply find a way that no longer permits them to "dump" on you.

Change the way you look. Color or cut your hair, if you still have some. Wear a different color than usual. Grow a mustache, beard, or cut off the one you have. Do anything to create a new image of the person you would like to become. Find ways to keep life fresh and new rather than dull and boring. If you are in a rut, exit it - fast! Part of that is a clear and intentional choice.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Part of the problem or the soultion

Although there's no justification, when we go out and enjoy our action-filled violent movies, what price are we paying for it with our souls? I must admit that I enjoy an action-filled movie, but I’m beginning to query myself about that enjoyment. Is it the acts of violence themselves that I enjoy or simply the thrill of witnessing graphically violent imagery?

Lately some of the really gory movies have been making me sick to the stomach. Movies specifically about killing victims in the most horrific ways have ceased to be entertaining to me. When nearly everyone in the plot dies so gruesomely and there is no message of redemption you wonder why are we watching such movies and calling it "entertainment"?

What message is the movie industry sending us? Better still, what messages are we, in turn, sending to the movie producers? Their bottom line is making money for the producers, so when they produce those bloody violent movies they do so with the understanding of what’s most marketable. Violence sells “big time” so let’s not blame business people for delivering what the people willingly pay to see.

In the same manner violent video games are very popular among our youth. Blowing away people, making the most horrific destructive scenes and the like is the attraction. The more graphically depicted the better it sells. Do we blame the game creators for delivering to the purchasing public what they are most eager to possess?

Pornography has long been a very lucrative market. It is like a plague that seemingly focuses on those males who have a problem in dealing with their sexual appetites. It gives these men what they want to see in order to scratch an itch they can’t reach as readily or as easily in real life. Are we to blame the producers of such graphically explicit material that even involves minors when there is a market that quickly sucks up all they produce?

Wherein lies the problem? The movies and games are usually fictional, but the actual people that cater to this sort of material are real. We may cut up the films and destroy the games but the only way to eradicate the source of the problem is to eradicate the people that are carrying the problems. Since we can’t go around killing everyone that is causing the problem where is the solution?

I am part of the problem because I have either willingly and intentionally purchased or participated in the production or purchase of such product. To the degree that I have participated is the degree of blame that I shoulder.

Perhaps I should be stoned for my crime against morality, but whom could we find that would be worthy of my stoning? Let he or she who without sin cast the first stone. Make sure that their violent action in my stoning does not find making them guilty of evil as well.

As I read of the Connecticut man who was condemned to death for a night of terror inside a suburban home in which a woman was strangled and her two daughters tied to their beds, doused in gasoline and left to die in a fire, I wonder who is to blame.

These were not actors in a violent movie or game. These victims will never come back. The criminals were among the sickest of the sick. Are we not a bit culpable here?

Even though we don't condone such behavior, if we're the consumers of violence that is sold to us as entertainment, where does our appetite fit in this equation?

Until we stop being the willing consumers of violence and in essence thereby condoning it, we are part of the problem and not the solution. I am not worthy of even casting the one hundredth stone here. What about you?

Carving Your Pathway

If you're under the age forty you may not have reached this fundamental awakening point in life yet but once you cross over something changes the way you see things. Yes, it appears that there is an invisible veil that seems to separate young ambition from matured realization.

When I was young I saw things through the eyes of youth. Things seem to be more hopeful and idealistic. However as I have matured I see the reality that was virtually obscured by my youthful exuberance. This is not usual; it is the “normal” path of youth.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could see an image of where you are headed before you actually had to make a critical decision about which fork in the road you should take? Oddly, though, in life we don’t have the option of living in suspended animation. Each tick of life counts like that of an old grandfather’s clock, even when we’d prefer otherwise.

Acquiring wisdom is not a magical process. It is the one thing that is actually real about reality. Your life is happening. Each notch is like mounting each individual brick of a huge brick wall. The totality of your life is unfolding moment by moment, however, most of us are not fully aware of this process with vivid awareness while it is happening.

When you’re young you don’t usually realize that which you don’t know. No one can or could effectively convince you of your ignorance at that stage. This is fact. If you’re currently in this stage of life you may have issues with my statement. Don’t worry; it makes you “normal,” for most of us were similarly idealistic.

Alternatively there are rare individuals that dance to a different tune. They know very early in life who they are and have a good idea of where they are headed. They appear to have inbred wisdom beyond their years. Such individuals end up carving their own path in spite of the circumstances.

At the proverbial fork in the road of life they pick the one that propels them toward their perceived goals. Such individuals make up less than one tenth of one percent of the population. Some call them our natural born leaders.

Look back at some of our recent leaders. Look at our past presidents, governors, senators, or other leaders. Most didn’t just wake up one morning late in life and decide to get their act together. Perhaps George W may have been an exception to this according to his accounts. It was at his crossroads when he decided to turn his life around. We are now aware of his story from that point of change. Most of us have such a period in life, but only a few make it to such a high position.

Regardless of your personal opinion of George W the facts prove that this man turned his life around and carved a much different path than where he had been headed. He was able to see himself in a mirror and did not like the direction in which he was headed. This is what inspired him to carve a different path.

Most people come to such a point in life but not all make a clear choice to turn their lives around. Some just continue becoming old fools. Since George W became one of our past presidents he definitely didn’t fall into that category, putting political differences aside.

Although this essay deals specifically with adults making critical choices to carve a specific pathway, each of us tend to operate on our own unique time clocks. My critical point was specific to my life along with all the circumstances and situations therein. Your critical moment happens just at the perfect moment of life when it becomes necessary. This is similar to how each individual fruit on a tree ripens when it is ready, but not all ripen at the exact same moment in time.

Ironically life really doesn’t have to take as much time as we assume but since most aren’t aggressively and affirmatively moving things forward by intentionally carving out the path they wish to take, they’re left with waiting on the forces of nature to bring them forth. I say you may decide otherwise. This is what free will allows us. We all have it but only a few choose to use it.

Carve your own path in life…don’t just wait on it to carve one for you.